The typical UK drivers guide to driving in the snow

1. when driving in heavy snow make sure you leave no more than 2 inches between you and the car in front, because remember it'll only get you there quicker. 2. When moving away from stationary always rev the crap out of your engine before popping the clutch up, if you don't get grip straight away simply rev more the wheel is spinning so at some point you should start moving. 3. When turning corners ALWAYS whack the steering wheel to hard lock as fast as you possibly can, if you notice the car isn't turning in the desired direction be sure to once again rev the fuck out of the engine. 4. When you need to stop make sure you slam on those breaks as hard as possible, after all whats the point in having abs then not using it! 5. Before setting off remember that it doesn't matter that the MET office has said don't travel unless its a necessity you want to drive and your damned if your gonna let 'The Man' tell YOU what to do. You must have a f**king big exhause a f**king loud stereo and virtually black tinted windows. 6. To defrost the car its simpl, boil the kettle and pour all over the windscreen, ignore that creaking cracking sound it just means the snow is being scared away! 7. Never drive slowly in the snow it'll only make your tires cool down and they may become frozen to the floor. If some other guy is driving slowly, especially if they are doing 28mph in a 30mph zone, overtake them as no one tells YOU how fast to drive. 8. When its snowing always chose the most out of the way routes with plenty of hills. 9. If you are fortunate enough to enter a spin the only way to stop is to turn out of the skid, if it doesn't work first of all turn faster and harder its the only way. 10. The most important thing is, if you see anyone in trouble, especially if its a woman with small children in a ditch, wind down the window laugh, shout, turn the radio up and maybe even flip them off for being lame and not having a car with twice the amount of bhp as your IQ points!