Monday 11 February 2008
Whats with 4x4's
I can understand someone having a 4x4 if they need to get across uneven terrain, or if they need to carry bulky equipment e.t.c. but I hardly think the M25 counts as rough terrain and even the round bulbous balding frame of a man driving doesn't really count as heavy machinery. So why is it that everytime I drive into town Iam faced with a carpark stocked with half the number of cars it was built for because people driving these things "need" 1.5 parking spaces!!!
Lets face it do you need a 4x4 - No, did you buy it for the added safety - No (don't kid yourself, you didn't). Did you buy it for its fuel economy (ha ha sorry had to add that one) or quite simply did you like so many sheep decide that its fashionable and wanted one, thus proving that independant thought is dead and that you are now simply a consumer automaton. The 4x4 has now taken over from the (ridiculous) sports car as the penis extension only now rather than being a laugh to see on the road these monstrosities are getting in my way and hastening the demise of this planet yet these reverse-porcupine tins just seem to multiply (called reverse-porcupine tins as the pricks are on the inside)
The other reason I dislike 4x4 is the arrogant fools that tend to drive them. On my way to work I pass a few schools and if I am running late I always get stuck behind some woman driving a 4x4 whilst trying to keep 2 screaming kids under control during the 700yard drive to the school gate. One time a woman was driving along infront of me a slammed on the anchors, no danger as I was keeping a safe distance as these people tend to weave across the road when their mobile phone starts to play the latest god awful pseudo-rap song that happens to be the chav audio taste de jour. Anyway I couldn't believe this woman as she put on the universal parking lights, or as we norms call them hazard lights, she then proceeded to get out retrieve her hideous balls of blubber from the back of the car, kiss them goodbye then sent their arses off for another 8 hours of picking their nose and farting, whilst in the mean time a queue of traffic was building up and she was oblivious to the whole thing - twat!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I Love my 4X4
ReplyDeleteI Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
I Love my 4X4
Folks who can't drop this issue (hate 4x4s) are small-minded, Woody Allen-like neurotics that can't leave big-minded people alone.
ReplyDeleteThe 4x4s Haters are typically wimpy, high-strung, shallow, nervous types. They are entirely self-infatuated in order to overcome their obsessive insecurities. They never cease to worry about what everyone else is doing, and they let us know that. They claim some oddball, sensitivity-based, moral high ground in terms of vehicle choice, yet insist on reminding us constantly of this, as if they must internally legitimize their own choices.
The 4x4s Haters insist on bugging everyone else in order to rise above their own boredom. They are to 4x4 owners what the nagging housewife is to the hen-pecked hubby. They look for everyone else’s faults because they have lost track of all their own. They see criticism where there is none, and their defense against recognizing their own self-criticism is to sermonize over the trivial habits of others.
The 4x4s Haters love the fact that they drive small cars, but that’s not all. That would be too rational and not nearly confrontational enough. Instead, they hate the fact that others make the free choice to drive big cars, vans, or trucks. They want to restrict the choices of others because they are too boorish to make their own splash in the world. But they pretend that's not the case, and insist that they don't like 4x4s only because they are too big, boxy, and ugly.
The 4x4s Haters are likely the impractical types that have prissy "for looks only" furniture in the house that is too darn uncomfortable to sit or lay on. But hey, it looks good! They hate John Wayne and the Marlboro Man, but they love Rob Reiner’s All in the Family character, Mike Stivic.
And when they go to restaurants, they are too picky to find anything they like on the menu, and complain constantly about it. It’s not uncommon to stop at three or four restaurants with these types, looking at the menus, and taking a half-hour to finally choose one that rises to meet their high-maintenance demands. But the 4x4 Haters pick at their meals because they are too persnickety and too self-conscious to eat in front of others. They prefer to go home and eat like pigs from chop suey cans or Chinese restaurant carry-outs.
The 4x4 Haters typically find themselves driving cars that are suitable to their anti-SUV personalities. For instance, a Plymouth Neon owner might say "Gosh, I love to do the macarena!" (And it's probably one of those lime-green Neons, too.) Someone who owns a Geo Metro will have four cats named Libby, Nocturnal, Ju-Ju, and Tummy. And the Metro owner is likely on Prozak, too. And if you ask him why, he'll say "just because." How about Ford Festiva owners? They leave their closet light on at night, collect postage stamps, and spend their Saturdays in the public park with metal detectors. And they are likely to be frail-looking vegetarians with skin color that matches that which most of us endure when we have the flu. And Ford Escorts are another anti-SUV statement. These owners will likely say (about every social problem in society), "But we gotta do something to help!" They typically belong to MADD and obnoxious anti-drug groups because they think they have a responsibility to interfere in others' lives because only they know best.
Then there's the Pontiac Sunfire and its unique possessors. Those folks watch Friends and ER, and when they see the Platters, the Coasters, or the Temptations in concert, they are convinced they are seeing the original band members.
Remember the Geo Storm craze? It was basically a cute, teenage chick car, however, some men found reasons to buy them. This was the ultimate anti-SUV statement for men: buy a chick car and spit at the world! Better yet, be an over-40 male with a yellow Geo Storm. These guys listened to NPR religiously, drank decaffeinated coffee because caffeine "made them nervous", and they proudly wore bumper stickers that said "Mean People Suck" or "Democrats Care."
4x4 Haters tend toward all kinds of bizarre, pathetic behaviors, including buying Sierra Club memberships; letting lame telemarketers give them the entire speech on why they are getting a free trip to the Bahamas; lecturing their neighbors on the evils of not recycling; thinking the gothic clothes look is "normal"; and most of all, they think they are morally elevated with their decision to be socially responsible non-SUV owners. They are obsessed with that fact, and they will let you know it.
SUV owners, on the other hand, are more likely to own huggable dogs as vs. creepy cats. Plus, they tend toward having huge, comfy Lazy-Boys, whether it "looks good" in the family room or not; keeping frozen White Castle hamburgers in the freezer; working out at Powerhouse or Gold’s Gym as vs. Bally’s; and they prefer Mel Gibson movies to the latest Tim Robbins-Susan Sarandon "Hollywood Cares" project. And SUV owners always tend toward ignoring government watering bans and "ozone awareness days." And they are never obsessed with non-SUV owners. The truth is they could care less what others do or what others drive.
Where's the evidence for all of this, you say? I'll produce the empirical evidence whenever author Keith bradsher does so as well. Ken is a New York Times reporter, by the way, and the former Detroit Bureau Chief, i.e. Socially Responsible "Big Three Watcher" and Left-Wing Lifestyle Propagandist.
Meanwhile, for those don’t like the SUV lifestyle and attitude, the glorious free market gives them the choice of remaining the meek, little milquetoasts that they are.
I Hate SUV Haters - http://www.lewrockwell.com/decoster/decoster70.html